Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Randomised

Some random stuff... just to make this blog a little less gloomy? or worse.. you decide



1. Schizophrenia is NOT multiple personality dissorder!! Yes, I heard that just recently, and my friend wants it to be really really clear.
Schizophrenic ppl ( or schizos) hear voices in their head, talking to them, and believe something different from their surroundings.. they are somewhat deluded in their whole life. Think.. hm.. if you guys know, the Professor from " A Beautiful Mind". Or basically just think- voices in the head.
Multiple personality disorder ( MPD) means you completely change into another personality all of a sudden, and you might not even be aware of it. You might talk to it, or no. Think Smeagol-Gollum, Incredible Hulk, Jekyll and Hyde.



2. Everyone has different sides. So even if you hear different stories about your same friend, no, they need not be having MPD.



3. WoW is freaking addictive.. join if you want.. but be warned, it's very very addictive.....


4. I should be studying, but instead, falling to the trap of bloggers.. randomly spawning something entirely irrelevant. Well, like I said, this is my blog. I do anything I want. =)



5. If you're still wearing a mask take it off here. Entry is only for the unmasked. And smoking in the smoking section please. There isn't an age limit though, but if I curse you might want to keep the kids away from the screen.


6. Keep the kids away from the screen.. like, right now.














7. KAN NI NA BEI CHAO JI BAI NI NAO HIA FUCK LAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( told you to keep the kids away)

8. 12345567891011121314151617181920... that's how many fingers and toes you have altogether.

Ok I should realllyy be studying now guys.. ciaoz!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Reflections?

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm a weird blogger. I actually don't like to put my own life here, about how I am or what I am. I'm still insanely shy with my ownself, and basically.. I guess I'd rather tell people what I could be thinking over a coffee or even just msn. It's just me.

Sometimes, though, I might just depress readers over here just for the fun of it.

I wonder what exactly has happened.. why I'm always a little sad somehow. I guess, I regret so many things I have not done in these years. I have put too much time into computer games, into drawing my own things and into wasting lots of time, but not going out with friends, doing anything social, or even learning new things. I do regret, although I try not to say it.. I try not to whine, because I know I made it happen. I did not do anything to remember, to preserve my memories, if at all... I did not try to be anything more than a student, I did not try anything hard enough. Even in games, I played a while, but never tried hard enough to be some kind of super gamer and earn big bucks in competitions, or learn to compete. I have but one word for this : humji. And now it makes my life one big fucking gap, like there's no past, no future, only a present that I can barely alter. I've never known what it's like to chase anyone, to try at all, other than just peep at them once in a while like some shy nerdy stalker.

All I'm really trying now, is basically.. to make up for what I think I lost. To know my friends better, rather than just talk cock a while and spam computer games solo. But sometimes I suppose I try too hard, because I like to talk about personal things, and people can get frustrated when you keep harping on it. Yet that's something I'm always interested to talk about, no matter how depressing.. that's just me, I guess. I think I'm a pretty good listener, but maybe that's just my ego talking...

Or maybe I just think too much. Ciaoz.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Chinese New Year..

Happy Chinese New Year! I think I should at least say that, just in case people reading this think I dun celebrate it.. to be honest, I don't feel its very significant to me this year. Most of my cousins ( the ones I actually talk to, somehow) are missing somewhere.. overseas or something. And circumstances force the visit to Malaysia to be especially short.. but well, since I don't really have people to talk to there, it's not so bad I guess.

It's the Pig year, for those who do not realise... yes, it is. That certainly doesn't mean you can't eat pork- that would be kind of disastrous for Chinese cuisine worldwide, wouldn't it? And you know what the Pig year is for? Plenty of little piglets!! Yes, the pressure is on for married couples.. get grandchildren for your parents QUICK!!! Hurry before the year is over!!! ( Also for the sake of the children- couples with children = official married couple = HONGBAO!!)

Well let's start on a happier note too, shall we? Some nice wishes to give this year..

Gong Xi Fa Cai Xin Nian Kuai Le - standard greeting... like duh.

Shen Ti Jian Kang - Good health to you!

Long Jin San Bao - Tell the angmohs this is the standard greeting for New Year. Then watch what happens when they greet everyone like this.. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Wan Shi Ru Yi - Wish you best of luck, and success to you! ( esp for the PIGLET thingy.. MUAHAHAHAHAA)

Toto Zhong Jiang - Win prize for Toto... for the less "virtuous" relatives

Zhu Nian Zhu Fu - Well... erm.. its lame. I just thought of it, and sounded cool =P

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Love.

Mention the word.. what do you think of?

Flowers? Roses? Diamonds, chocolates and sweet poetry? Perhaps your boyfriend, or girlfriend, or crush. Or that dream prince you've been waiting for. Kisses, holding hands, bringing them the moon and all that jazz.

Ah, screw that.

All that notion is only romance- a portion of romantic love, the usual BGR ( boy-girl relationship) you see on TV. Guy meets girl, girl and guy fall head over heels in love and elope. This involves a lot of gifts, deeds, and also a mutual attraction ( Well, sometime's there's guy and guy or girl and girl in this aspect, but that's not the point) . And the gimmick of gift shops - ah yes, buy a flower, ring, chocolate for your lover? And when we speak of love, that is the first thing that comes to mind, isn't it?

But that's not all love is.

Love has many kinds.. and we all need it. No? Then let's begin with something to silence those who believe there is no such thing as love... we begin with it. Parents- ah yes, parents. Proud, arrogant, old and irritating - many of us view them as that. And yet, these same people who we could be mistreating and ignoring since childhood , could very well jump into a blazing inferno like those firemen in movies, or action heroes, just to save us- only that they may not return alive. A less dramatic example - they work day and night, and leave us alone a lot, but whom for? To earn so much money, and for whom? People like to think of love as a knight in shining armour, or a lover with a rose, but what of the parent who sacrifices his entire lifespan slaving at the office, just to feed his children? There are those who would go even further, and sacrifice the one thing that even heroes have at their death- their dignity. Prostitutes who would do so if only to support their children, and when these kids grow up, they would use this money to escape the life their mothers had, to earn a job, and then abhor the scandalous trade, maybe even the mother who is doing it. In economical terms, it is a very risky venture, where you have no guarantee of ever having any returns... but love never was about returns, yes?


And then ... there is love between friends. This is the common kind of love between similar genders ( without homosexuality, of course ) . And one point to note- unlike romance, this kind of love has even less conditions to bind either side. Meaning to say, friendship doesn't have to mean you must be always with that person, can only go out with that person, cannot do this, cannot do that, must look like this, blah blah blah. More freedom to each side, yet sometimes, the bond is just as strong, and lasting, as romance itself, if not more so- and it can also be much much weaker. But still, it is a bond that no one can do without- not unless you plan to live as a hermit on the mountainside. Of course, it is quite odd to consider telling your friend " I love you!" ( again because of our narrow perspective of it all) but .. well, that's what it is.

And finally, romantic love.. yes yes, whatever. Seeing as how it is being broadcasted everywhere , it only needs a short mention here.. but it is, unlike what some stupid idiot in the Ch8 9pm series currently on ( about some Zodiac .. forget it, I dun follow the plot) , love , "true" love as you call it, is not all about being possessive- what's yours is mine, what's mine is also mine, etc. Heck, forget that "yours is mine , mine is yours" stuff. Define the properties of your relationship however you will.. love was never about that. So what exactly is it? Care, concern, respect, attraction, and the rest is all up to you.

And so what has happened to it?

2 problems that have come about.. frst and foremost, resistance. Not only bitterness, anger, nonchalance towards this ideal.. there is also our pride. Yes, we do need our pride, our "face", as us Chinese call it, but in some instances it becomes a huge stumbling block. Like a father who would not help his daughter when she does something "dishonourable"... even if it stabs through his heart like a knife. Like a friend who, after an argument with another, will not lift a hand to help when it is needed, just because he cannot stand down. Pride can be stubborn, and we live to regret much of it when we think back.. parents have this as a brick wall between them and their children, and it eventually drives them apart.. but most of the time, it is only a farce, and even as they watch the children they disowned walk away, they cannot show the true extent of their pain. And it is also a problem with guys, with this stupid need to "look cool", to be an emotional rock, but we just aren't...

And the other big problem- corruption. Love becomes twisted, altered to fit the mindset. When, fo example, someone actually buys that " Love is possessive" crap, he/she will begin to think that their lover should have no freedom whatsoever, and eventually, this makes the other into an object rather than a person- a property. It also can be twisted when one loves an ideal, a concept, and nothing concrete - money, or power. And thus is spawned the real evil geniuses of this world, thus is spawned politics. Love, when possessive, becomes an addiction, and creates stalkers, madmen, killers, and the list goes on. In other words, when love goes awry... we have psychopathy.

Such is the range of love.. it is not as defined and mass-marketed by the companies, that it needs diamonds, roses, chocolates or even gifts.. simple companionship will do. It is our inherent need, a part of our psyche, the essence of our being.. and it never is, or was, only about couples, about poetry or gifts or sweet nothings ...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy birthday to>>>>>~~



DANIEL FOOOOO~~~ ( Uncensored version above)



Yep, the one and only. Dun blame me for posting this so late.. one reason is that he din even give me the photos ( photos here are courtesy of YY even, This guy damn lazy siah)- another reason? BLOGGER SCREWED UP!!! Gah... never mind. We can talk about it on msn.

So now we talk about his birthday .. umm... lets see...


Heh, so many photos! So I'm going to post it and leave you all to find the captions yourself!! =P




















OK lahhh... let's give you all a clue. Hmm...I know!! Here- I'm going to give the captions below- you guys can try to match them to the picture! Hahahaha... have fun..

(a) . Stone Cold 3:16!!!

(b) . Saikang warriors marching in, hurrah, hurrah..

(c) . " Hm? What's this packet here siah.. what to do with it.." ( Looks over at DF)

(d) . DF anddddd Misa Misa of Happy Sweets!! ^^

(e) . Here come the guests!

(f) . GAH The Incredible Hulk! (or ghost. Or Incredible Hulk ghost)

(g) . Group picture of the 8 people!! ( and one Death Note)

(h) . " Ya, Milo just now go toilet and then... nvm lah! Your birthday must toast! Yaaaammmm.."

(i) . DF showing off his guests' lovely feet ( and pants. and skirt. )

(j) . " Yah!! Birthday cake goooooooddd!!! Err.. whats happening to the side siah..."

(k) . Happy guests singing the Happy Birthday song! =)

(l) . " Eh.. taste not bad leh... but still smell a bit funny siah.."

Annnnd not to mention some special guests..

  • Huimin all the way from Australia!
  • Milo .. for being the only person to come in Cosplay! Hahahaha....
  • Auga and Ji En for making Winning 11 championships... not such a failure.. at least got a winner... =P
  • YY again for the photos!! Seriously thx a lot for so many photos.. otherwise I'll haf nth 2 do this on, haha...

And thus ends the 22nd birthday of our friend the DF...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Happy birthday ~ ~ ~

By the time I finish this post, perhaps the event is over, perhaps just started, perhaps neither. An event so amazing it will change the world forever, that will be the most outstanding amazing thing to happen this Jan..

XD productions ( and me) present....

~ AUGA's BIRTHDAY!!!!! ~

Yes its the birthday of Auga, at least for our celebrations. We decided to have a little fun at Sakae Sushi, and once again, Auga stole the show with.. well, himself!! =D He's the most funny person ever, seriously.. even tho we end up like 1 hr later than schedule ( thanks to the guest of honour actually =P ) we still had a lot of fun.. and we din even go KBox!!! ( me n my KBox.. lol)
6 people out of 10, but still had lotsa fun, hahaa~

For details please refer to YY's bloggie. I'm not really one for details. Lazy. =P

Hm butt.... we must show the credits!!

Thanks to Milo, first and foremost.. she did the booking of seats at Sakae, bought the cake, and even her own present for Auga!! This all would not have been possible without her..

Thanks to Samuel too.. he helped to rope in most of the people ( of which some did not come, but heck, he tried ) and most importantly he got the MAIN MAN to come down!! None of this would have been possible without him, seriously!!!

THANKS TO YY FOR REFERENCE BLOG!!! LolZ~

Thanks to Daniel Foo, for coming =P

Andddddd thanks to the star of the show, AUGA!!!! For appearing and making this event an evident success!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

PS : Here's another star of our show... coming soon to a blog near you...







Thursday, January 18, 2007

ARGHH

Forced to change my tagboard cos Flooble is down... sucks sucks sucks!! ARGH!!!!!!!!

Hm. Here's the new format. Might be a little odd, I dunno. See how. Maybe I'll change soon.

Hm. Argh #2... SIM Exams and Assignments period!! AND MOCKS!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Argh # 3 : Stressed by myself. Its been 21 years and STILL I have this freaking inferiority complex!!!!!!!! WTFISHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok that was crappy, but needed. Oh well.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Welcome to 2007... noobs

Hello everyone! Welcome to 2007!! I'm going to put my list of resolutions on this entry... maybe it will inspire everyone else to follow suit my example and be wonderful people just like me! =D

1. Be nice

2. Join City Harvest Church more often

3. Love my parents and give them hugs often

4. Give more to charities so the humble CEOs of charity organisations can buy more gold taps

5. Be good to all animals, creatures and DFs

6. Refrain from mass murder and world domination speeches

7. Learn to be more gentlemanly and wonderful

8. Gotcha, didn't I?

WAHAHAHAHAHAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I'm still very evil this new year.... like I said before, its my blog and I'll publish crap if I feel like it. If anyone really wants to know what I want to change this year, they should find me personally. I'm a personal guy- doesn't mean I'm nice or anything, just a personal guy. Don't really like to whine on blog, even though yes I have, but I hate doing that. Still quite emo sometimes, but you'll have to ask me what it's about. It's alright, I dun dao most people for it, really. Well, not so far anyway.

And no, I don't really think I'm that wonderful a person. You'll have to wait very long if you expect me to be that ego. Not really ok actually, still on the short end of the life stick, or whatever that means. It's alright, I'll live.

MERRY CHRISTMAS YER FILTHY ANIMAL.... AN A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Murphy's Law - Cops

More laws based on Murphy's Theory of Patheticity

  • Bullet proof vests aren't.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they fall- on you.
  • High speed chases proceed from lower concentrations of traffic to higher ones
  • Tear gas works on cops more often than on criminals
  • Dogs do not see cops as people of authority, they see lunch.
  • On any time you decide to break the law, a cop shall be just in time to see it happen
  • If you are a cop, any time you decide to break regulations, your officer will just happen to walk by
  • Flash suppressors don't
  • If there is a gang of drunken bikers are in the area they will send a single officer. If there is a single drunken biker they will call in the whole SWAT team

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Murphy's Law 101

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first and possibly only lesson on Murphy's Law, founded by Murphy. For those who don't already know, Murphy's Law is the fundamental principle of pessimism, the cornerstone of our establishments.

Alright, some facts on Murphy himself. Apparently he was an engineer in an American airbase- Edwards Air Force Base, and his name was Capt Edward A. Murphy. While working on a project, he kept telling the others what could go wrong, and had this famous phrase- " If there's anyway he ( the pilot) can do it wrong, he will find it."

And thus in Edwards Air Base 1949, Murphy's Law was born.

So alrighty then, we'll begin on Murphy's Law, which in all terms is summed up quite easily " If anything can go wrong, it will." This is , of course, only a small part of being pessimistic, especially in the modern context. ( Modern pessimism involves politics and philosophy as well, and it's just as complicated as procrastination. Well, I'll explain that tommorrow)
The basis of Murphy's Law itself is doubt. You always worry, knowing that the worst possible thing could happen. A common application is in jealousy, when, say, your boyfriend goes missing for too long, he's definitely having an affair. Or in horror movies- if the person stays alone for too long, they're definitely going to be the next victim.

Oh by the way, one fundamental thing- according to the law, you should NEVER EVER WHINE " How can things get worse??" or anything like that in context. Because if you do, it will.

But the whole " Ok if it can get worse, it will" kind of application is really overused. Here are some other interesting variations of his law:

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
All situations get worse with increased pressure.

Murphy's Law of Projects
If the project has a flawless report, your project analyst is wrong.

Murphy's Constant
Damage and value are related by this constant, where
Damage done to Object== Value of Object * Constant

Therefore the more valuable the object, the more damage will be done to it.

  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • Hardware tools will always land on the concrete pavement instead of the lawn.
  • If the tools are still running ( say, for example, a power drill) they will land on objects that can be damaged ( like your foot)
  • Falling objects accelerate to the maximum possible speed that can deal the most damage when hitting your property ( or your neighbour's)
  • After you've lost something and buy something else to replace it, you will immediately find the original.
  • The scuba gear will never leak until you dive into the deepest possible underwater cave.
  • Paper is at its strongest when you need to punch holes in it.
  • If the food is great-tasting, served excellently and politely and cheap, it's poisoned.
  • If your action has a 50% chance of bein wrong, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
  • The universe has unlimited possibility of mistakes.

Well alright, I'm going to end the list for now, but I'll be back.... the list isn't halfway done, no worries. =)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Overreliance... and some random crap

Yes I just realised how much I depend on technology nowadays. I thought I was different from the past- from the loner and basically slow, lazy dude I used to be. Now I realise the major difference is my tools from the Internet- friendster, blogging, or much more importantly, Windows messenger aka. msn. Now I'm stuck without msn, cos even it has abandoned me..... I really feel deprived from any form of real conversation at all. Of course, I can pretty much go back to my old days... play games, study, sleep, eat, etc. , but I seriously don't want to.... it just made me regret everything that I was. I want to chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(
Stupid microsoft.... sianz. WHY MSN DUN WORK!!!

Hm well, enough talking about it. I think I'll intro this character I thought out of nowhere, simply cos I want to. INTRODUCINGGGGG................ PROFESSOR L!!!
( A few letters above Prof X)

= Name= Prof L
= Age= 30.......................ish?
= Sex= None, cos no one interested.
= Blood Type= Red liquid
= Citizenship= What ship is that? Haven't heard of it.
= Interests= 5% on my bank account, 250% on my loan shark debts.
= Race= No thanks, I hate running
= Family= Bored to death listening to my lame jokes

Ok just some random stuff.... just thought of it out of nowhere, hah. I'm so freaking siannn....
WHY MY MSN DUN WORK??!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!??!?!!?!?

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Friendship- pt 1

Just a random entry... what is being a friend all about?
I was thinking along the lines of sharing each other's pains and glory, and being there for one another... helping each other out when either is in need.

I guess I've forgotten that being a real friend is also telling them what they don't want to hear... about criticising them, about reminding them about the flaws they might not see. And to help them correct it, or at least notice it and change.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Cheese!

Yes, it is now time to talk cheese. I shall talk cheese, simply because I feel like it. Cheese everyone!!

So let us define cheese. Cheese is a food, a particularly wonderful kind of food, that tastes cheesy.. how to define it? The taste is... creamy, milky in a smooth, kind of way.. cheesy.
In this definition, cheese comes in many forms.. in powder, grinded to spread over your pizza, or in melted form, where people dip bread in it for fondue dishes, in slices, which is the marketed good of modern markets, or in its classic piece form, which European cheese is usually made in, and the form that most artists draw it in when they mean to illustrate mice running after it.
Cheese has many kinds... cheddar, blue cheese, parmesan, etc etc etc. It can be flavoured so variedly- there's pineapple cheese, roasted cheese, smoked cheese, ham cheese, onion cheese and even CHOCOLATE cheese!!!!! ( which I din try and am not gg 2)
Consumable cheese has many benefits- it gives mainly the benefit of calcium, and thus helps to strengthen your bones and teeth. Modern cheese also has some extra nutritional value which I'm too lazy to find out at the moment.. shall update when I read up =p. And it's tasty, and lovely, and easy to eat!!!!!!! Also it irritates the hell out of some people, and I like doing tt. HAH!!
Suckers.

There is also the term "cheesy". Cheesy refers to a kind of language whereby the terms are more or less repeated overly, or mouldy, or full of holes, or creamy, or basically lame. ( Cheese is lame, because it cannot walk) Cheesy is super cliche stuff, like " How's life?" or singing the Barney song, or saying lame jokes in which only you laugh. ( Singing the Barney song is also punishable by punishment) Cheesy can be used to spice up meetings or conversations when you really, absolutely, totally and COMPLETELY have nothing else to say... in other words, it's a desperate move. Do not try this on new people you have known for a few seconds.. chances are that it will be the first and last time you ever tell them a joke. People have to be able to stomach the cheesiness of the cheese... some can't and unless they dun have a choice ( like say, your coursemate, unless they are the kind tt can mug at home and survive uni) they will avoid you. Or not. Well that's cheesy.

Oh by the way.. cheese is also used in photos. People ask you to say cheese when your photo is being taken. Why? Apparently, the mouth moves up a slight angle when that word is being said, creating a curve in which teeth are exposed and thus the illusion of a smile. That is why cheese is used instead of pepperoni, or pizza, or Fried Hokkien Mee with Extra Hum, or Macaroni Cheese Sandwich, or cola, or milk. Why they ask you to smile at the birdie when it is obvious there is none is not my biz. I dunno... perhaps they refer to the Yellow Cheese Pecker, which adores yellow cheese.

Now for some cheesiness, to add into the cheese atmosphere..
WHY DID THE CHEESE CROSS THE ROAD?
= To get to the other side.
WHY DID THE MOUSE CROSS THE ROAD?
= To get to the cheese.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
= It thought it was a cheese.
WHAT DID THE CHEESE SAY WHEN ITS PICTURE WAS TAKEN?
= Cheese.
WHAT DID THE MOUSE SAY WHEN ITS PICTURE WAS TAKEN?
= Nothing, it was eating the cheese.
WHAT DID THE CHICKEN SAY WHEN THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN?
= Say Cheese! It was taking the picture.
WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN A CHEESE?
- 2 cheeses.
WHO MOVED MY CHEESE?
= Why is the sky so high?

CHEESE RECOMMENDATIONS

SIM: For value for money cheese, eat at the canteen. 2 dishes serve decent portions of cheesiness- The Chicken Ham Spaghetti at the western stall ( $3.50) or the Cheesy Baked Rice at the Japanese food stall ( $4.80) . Both are filled with enough creaminess and cheese to satisy a cheese lover for lunch at least.. if you don't think it is enough, ask the auntie for more cheese. The baked rice also has this fragrant cheesy smell that is guaranteed to irk your friends with less tolerance for cheesiness ( aka . the lesser cheesers) . DO NOT ORDER CARBONARA AT MEGA BITES unless you want the ambience- for $4.90, you get a Chicken Ham Spaghetti with a larger plate and pepper, and a fancier name . -.- A bit more ham too... but for that price I'd have expected it to be wayy more cheesy than the CH Spaghetti, PLUS I don't like pepper!!! Not worth my extra 1.40.......

KFC: Cheese fries are a MUST for cheese lovers.. however, no point ordering the cheese nuggets, it's just some cheese powder with the popcorn chicken and its not that cheesy. Cheesitos are not so bad, but still not half as cheesy as Cheese Fries.

Remember- cheese is the word. CHEESEEEE!!!!!!!!! I AM THE CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Singlehood

No, I'm not going to follow Daniel Foo and write a whole freaking sermon on stuff like that. But I'm just going to write about some things that perhaps have been on my mind...

Ah yes.. I jus went for CF meeting tonight. PS the council people in the process.. oh well, life is about choices isnt it? It's all about the things I decided on first, haha. Well the speaker today talked about singlehood.. about how it is better to be single. Personally I don't agree... for some reason, somewhat. Yes, there will be this problem on freedom.. a HUGE problem on freedom.. but I somehow want to know how it really feels like.. just to love someone, with the physical and emotional intimacy that lovers share. Even just to take all that she has to give... if she wants to scream at me, cry, whatever... hopefully not hit me, not because I can't take it, but because I have a terrible temper when it comes to physical abuse... I really don't know what I would do.
But just to take all her screaming, her sobs, everything.. hah, maybe I could do that with really close friends, but somehow, I think its different with a girlfriend...

But then perhaps I am not mature enough for one... like I mentioned, I have a lousy capacity for physical tolerance... pain I can take, it's being physically bullied with no good reason that will drive me to the brink, just too fast. Well, all in good time I guess, haha.. maybe I just want a friend with whom I can be really honest with, whom I can listen to and can listen to me, whom I can care for and will do the same. Stuff like that, haha... but the kissing part will have to be scrapped, no? Hah...

Singles dinner on Valentines Day, anyone?

Monday, October 09, 2006

Bitterness

Well I'm going to write about this. Why?

I've had the chance... to see both sides of a conflict. Of friendship turned sour, no, bitter, no....
acidic. It's sad, really, when friends would kill each other if they had the chance... i mean former friends. It's not over money, oh no... it's what happens when a love triangle goes wrong. One after the other, they take turns backstabbing each other, until all that is left of what was a great relationship... is a pool of poison.

But how does it begin?

Lies. That was how it ended. It was understood between them that the boy was . But the friend still chose to seek out, even chase that person, while covering up with layers and layers of lies.... and it was upon this discovery that embittered the first friend, and split them both apart forever.. as it seems.

Oh, but they are connected.. not with friendship, as it used to be, but with a bridge of mutual spite, of some kind of bitterness towards each other. I'm not sure on one of the parties, whether it is truly spite or simply a mask to hide the pain.. but in all sense, it is still bitterness. And whether or not either party wins this war of words, it all ends up hurting both of them.

So.. I wonder.. will I end up like this? Perhaps, with someone I consider my friend now... will they turn their backs on me, and betray me? Maybe I should be wary, as of now... since there are some that say no one can be trusted, and so it might be true...

Yet, if I do that, I will end up more bitter than if I simply trusted people.. not that we should trust people blindly, but well, we still need to trust. Nobody is an island, for certain.... not most of the people I know, anyway, are willing to be alone, forever... so I will try to do that, trust people.. in practicality , of course, but to not be paranoid, as far as I can... I am a little of that, I know. But I will try to change that...

It is certainly easier for me to say that.. I have not gone through the hurt of being betrayed by someone I love.. but certainly by someone I trusted, however foolishly. Still, I hope that there can be an end to this bitterness.. if all else fails, then both parties will have to forget each other even exist...

You may be reading this... glad to hear that you finally have found someone you can trust, who can make you happy, who can rip your disappointments to shreds, and bring back the sunshine to your life. But I think you probably won't be seeing this.. well, if you are, I wish you the best , and hope you can drop that bitterness and be truly happy =)

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Shadows

So what does it mean... the word "shadow" ?

Shadow, a word that has been used in many contexts.

The most common usage is , of course, your own shadow- shadow as a noun. The patch that forms when you stand in front of a light source, or just around it. Or even below it, such as the sun. It's simply something else that just accompanies you, not really of any significance. Or to some weirdos, it's an odd figure to talk to, just like the image in the mirror ( which some motivational speakers actually suggest you do- but not to your shadow, for some reason)

To " shadow" someone- meaning " shadow" as a verb, is to stalk them, to follow them undetected. Nobody must know you are following them, and even if they realise it, they must not know it is you. To be there, without them knowing you are there. Spooky, but probably derived from the original noun, since nobody really cares whether their shadow is there or not.

A " shadow" of a doubt- meaning only a hint, a whiff of suspicion, or what not. In this context, shadow, again, implies insignificance- not invisibility, but insignificance, so small yet large enough for you to think about it. A tiny tiny thought...

A " shadow" of your former self- in this case, it only means you are pathetic compared to what you used to be. Again it refers to the noun " shadow", as the shadow is only a shape of darkness, of the original figure... it has no substance, and will not vanish, but is nothing at all.

Why am I suddenly talking about all this? I feel it refers to me... to what I'm becoming, doing, or what I am. All of them, in some way, perhaps, apply to me, or at least the last one... I'm slowly fading, fading away... losing any purpose, direction, or whatever I had if at all...... I have nothing to say, no substance at all...

A shadow, to fade in the morning sun....

Monday, September 25, 2006

SIM - another week of fun! :)

YAy I'm becoming mad... seriously mad. Oh well not really I guess. School's only just started for two weeks or so, and I have to know people and talk cock and sing song..... I feel like a new kid going to school, you know? Cos it's been a long time since I studied, haha....

Well this week is going to be a little more busy, but not so much on work... on the contrary, its more the CCAs that's gg to be taking up most of my time!!!! Joined council and learning the ropes... crashing Christian Fellowship devotions.... and planning to go to Singing Club too!!! Wow, I'm so going to regret this soon, or just drop one of them... but well, not so soon. I will be trying to know as many people as possible.. especially girls. Muahahahaha!!!!!!!
( This is just so lame...)
Well, just trying to know more people... I think its kinda interesting that I can join the CF and all, thanks to years of chapel and Boy's Brigade, I'm not new to the whole thing. But I'm technically not christian either!!! Haha well, thank goodness they aren't going all out to convert me- yet...
I don't mind their company, and I hope they don't mind me either. Really friendly bunch, haha....

Council is so busy!! My department is going through a hell lot of things as we prepare for some new event... not to be leaked yet. Hm, yeah I feel kinda left out, as I'm only one of the newbies that joined after the Aug batch... and the other guy has already blended in. Plus, I'm too damn new to this council thing... I've always been a follower, and there really isnt much I think I can do for them, to contribute or anything. In short, I'm a statue. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO STONING!!!! Its too bloody much like my army days, where basically I was always the odd one out of the platoon... maybe its me. Damn... wish I could change myself.. trying to, but it isnt working out the way I thought it would. Never does huh? Well hope I can contribute more.. otherwise i really don't know what I'm doing there. Poor Joan.. shes kinda the leader and all, but hey, she's only human... she looks so damn shagged during meetings man. Haha, I feel damn guilty lah... I'm like the only person not doing nuts over there, though I'm trying to find something to do...

Well well, Im also trying to find some time to hang out with Ivan, Joseph, maybe Milo also if she's free! I mean, this is like their break or something man.. so they're kinda free I guess, for now. I need to just talk with them again, at least one... just to, you know, catch up and all. Haha.. and if you guys reading this got anything jio me leh... I might be busy, but heck, try try lah? Hahahahaa.... studies at this moment is kinda slack now, so I'm still .. well, hanging?Haha!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

SUPERSTAR!!

Hello hello...

Yeah today was a long day, kind of... or a short one, I'm not sure what either should mean. Or maybe a tall one? :P Whatever.... it more or less started with me going down to support my friend ( like I said in the last entry lahz) for Project Superstar auditions- the cool dude Darryl! ( who i dun tink anyone here knows yet) Bahz.. met up wiv some of his other supporters... total strength= 4! Lolz.... none of us can scream some more lor.. so sad... :(
Hm but its the thought tt counts right? Esp since I'm the only idiot to have come all the way frm west side... the rest all ard the north, so gg 2 the Superstar auditions is pretty easy for them. All frm singing club man! Then later Joan ( another SIMer in the singing club) also join us to support Darryl. SO fun!!!
Hm but one thing.. progress is DAMN SLOW. We meet when the thing supposed to start... 11am.. then after that only ard 1230am then start. Wth....

( Well one more thing... I invited Daniel Foo to come also.. he say okok.. he never come. Can tell me tt at 11am he still at home... nvm, I tell him 2 come down now. Haven start yet, got time. And wad happen? He din come...)

Slow to start... worse to end. Wahz... Darryl was at the end lorz... like, the contestants start wiv the 1ooo+ number tag, the Darryl was like 6000+ tag!!!!! Behind him got 3 contestants only siahz... the one after him we also support, but wah lau... so long siahz, reli got 2 sit thru the whole performance to wait 4 him to perform. I'm sorry, did I say sit? I meant STAND. Yes, stand for 6 freaking hours, watching the judges criticise each n every one man.. ( cos its a male auditions today, duh... I'm not watching the female ones tmr) so siann, watching them in and out. Oh yes, there were some songs sung over and over again.. especially this one song.. ai mei or sthing.. kaoz, sing 4 times in a stretch by 4 different contestants! Then at the last few also got one guy sing again.. haha... and then, JJ Lin's songs of course sung a lot lah.

Hm well... then came our Darryl's turn. We got cheer for him ok!!! Only 6 of us lah (including Joan's fren) n nobody reli go scream, but he heard us, definitely. Hahaha... then he sing song the time, the judges just cut him off lorz, like the lousier contestants. Hey waddup man.. he dun sing so bad wad. Then he kena kick out... his fren also... I think they were kinda siannn also, judge everyone else for wad? 6 freaking hours... I them I also sian, but then, its showbiz wad, you have to get used to it... sigh. Poor Darryl... hm but all things considered, he took it quite well. Well of cos he shld, i mean, he tried his best, wad else can he do?

( Oh and about this time, my dear Daniel foo called me, ask me if I want to go for city harvest... he din come for mine some more wan 2 ask me down... din reply huh? well nvm.. tts daniel foo lahz.. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

Oh but he was kinda cool abt it, I guess... he even treated dinner!! At some buffet.. something Sakura or sthing.. wah not bad siah, buffet pasta n stuff, n for 24 dollars!! N japanese food too, of course... sakura wad... but too bad one of his frens had some problem with eating, so well, we had 2 look out for her. On the other hand, another of his frens eat like nobody's biz!!! Wah lau... serious bottomless pit siah. N she's also the smallest of the grp lor( i think, haha) !!

Hm well... all in all, fun day lah. In the end we din go K-Box like the original plan... but end up gg home after dinner. Just as well lah, I also too full 2 move oredy.. haha... Darryl still had some feelings left abt the auditions tho, I felt. Oh well, cheer up buddy... there are many more chances if you try! Oh btw thanks for dinner!!! Haha..

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

2nd day of school!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOO SIM here I come!! So happy, finally got an excuse to just talk to people next to me, lolz....

hmm but siannnnn how come my course only got 4 girls? All also not say very good looking... then again only abt 4, wad can i expect... especially from the computing course... sigh... who ask me to dislike economics?
Oh hey, but I tried to join council! Hahah ... Joan conned me with an F & N drink... the 3 Cs you know? Convince Confuse Con!!! Hahaha .. if I have time maybe I'll think of more.. make it the 5Cs!! :P

Hey oh btw.. anyone reading this thing, even at all.. 2 things to tell you guys..

1. Better check out the news first, find the alternative routes to Suntec.... it will be blockaded by the police due to security reasons, as IMF is coming in. Someone oredy zhong hor~ kena force 2 walk long way..

2. My SIM fren is gg 4 superstar audition (or wad? dunno wad its called) this Saturday , 11am, at Toa Payoh HDB hub or sthing.. you guys got time go down n support hor~ his name is Darryl!! Bring the horns and whistles ahz!! ( not sure wads the exact place.. he say got a lot of ppl gg there.. if u reli wan 2 know gimme a msg, i try 2 confirm wiv him lahz)


Haha SIM so fun tho~ cheap food, got bazaar somemore, $2 for 3 choc bars!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? Bargain man... wooohooooo ( cheapskate me ng.. lolz)

Kk I'll probably be saying how sian it is soon enough.. for now though, I find it sooo exciting... SIM wooooo!!!