Death and despair

I've just woken from a long long nap. Why sleep until 2? Haha.. well, I've been over at Ivan's grandpa's wake the whole night.

It was a relatively simple affair.. I suppose its not the day where you have rites to finish the procedure. I'm not sure.. I didn't think so. Well anyway I went there alone, cos a few people I tried inviting couldn't make it, but then not everyone is slacking like me. Hahaha... OK, I understand u guys r busy so not yr fault.
So basically it was a weird arrangement in the end... Samuel came late and brought Joyce along- another xd which I still dunno, haha - and we play dai dee until we happy :P. Ate dinner, talk cock, sing song, wait until Auga + Dfoo come REALLY EARLY ( took them abt 2 hrs after Dfoo first said 10 mins then reach - which ended up abt 10+) and then Sebrina also came. So we continue talk cock sing song play retarded card games, and other retarded orientation games, and of course there was this fun game wiv cards, where you draw a card and can create various forfeits for diff cards... in the end we made the penalty peanuts and Daniel Foo ate most of them. Poor thing... muahahahah ... serve him right for telling us 10 mins ONLY??????
BUT we weren't finished... later he also drink until siao.. I tink 2 full cans of beer ah? Hahaha!! All cos of Indian poker... then Joyce left early and Seb also. ( that is, if u call 1pm early)
Then I see them play mahjong ( lim peh dunno how 2 play mahjong so watch lor~~) and then we play other retarded games until dinner. Had fun lah basically... then go home sleep in MRT and pong in bed. Most exciting part of my life. Haha..

Now let's talk about more serious stuff.

I had a chat with one of Ivan's cousins that day. I'm not gg 2 say his name. If u wan u can ask Ivan, but doesn't matter. He said that he slept next to the grandfather every night, before the man .... left . ( 7th month ok.. dun anyhow say things) He said he could not sleep anymore, not for more than an hour. He still believed, somehow, that the grandfather was still around.. he could't accept the idea that the old man wasn't here anymore. He said that he really regretted that he did not like to talk to his grandfather a lot... at least, now he feels he didn't talk enough to the old man. And even when he passed away, the boy ( yes hes not tt old) thought he was still sleeping...cos somehow, he was in the same position as when he usually sleeps. The boy reflected that you have to cherish the ones you have before you, before they leave.... and you never get the chance again.

Well... in the light of all that, I guess he does have a point. Naturally he's sad... especially when, as he says, the old man used to claim that he loved him more than all the other grandsons. It seems quite obvious, seeing as how the grandfather himself slept in the same room as him... or was it the same house? I dunno... I din tink it relevant to ask. Ivan wasn't so depressed ( at least according to what I saw) but of course he was sad. If he didn't feel sad, that would be odd, maybe even unfilial. After all, he's human. And from what I hear, he was a nice old man.. and a great grandfather.

So ok, lesson to be learnt... treasure those you love, and those who love you. You may not be able to see them at some time... maybe for a long time, maybe forever. It's sad, but that's life. If we come into this world, then we must leave at some time. We should cherish and hold them, show them how we feel, tell them all we want to tell them. For not only is their time limited but ours too.... and especially look out for your family. Often we forget our family, in the rush to meet new friends, socialise, we forget the people who love us the most. We take them for granted, and we let them pass.. soon enough it might be too late for regrets.
Somehow, though I tell that to people, I wonder, can I actually do that? Truly develop some filial piety for all I've forgotten so far? I'm not sure... I think I might have gone into cold dark stasis, into a mindset where I just can't love my family anymore. But I will try... and so should we all.

And if it really is too late to say goodbye, to say " I love you" or to cherish the one who loved you, then if you really cherish their memory, you should go forth and do your best. You say you have disappointed them by not using your potential? Do it then. In their memory, live well, be strong, live on. I believe that even the ... people who have "passed on" can see us, the living, in our entirety. Whether or not they can actually do something is a mystery we are still exploring.
But if they can see you, then work hard for your dreams, for your life. Be happy and well, and show them what you can do. Do not simply break into despair... it would break their hearts as much as yours, and even those with you who love you. Cherish those who have not gone, and in the memory of those who have, strive on and live your life to the fullest.

I saw the sky this morning, when I returned on the morning MRT. It was a beautiful dawn, and I thought.. even when you have gone through the darkest of days, you see such a sky, and you forget all that you have worried about.....