Saturday, December 09, 2006

Murphy's Law - Cops

More laws based on Murphy's Theory of Patheticity

  • Bullet proof vests aren't.
  • The bigger they are, the harder they fall- on you.
  • High speed chases proceed from lower concentrations of traffic to higher ones
  • Tear gas works on cops more often than on criminals
  • Dogs do not see cops as people of authority, they see lunch.
  • On any time you decide to break the law, a cop shall be just in time to see it happen
  • If you are a cop, any time you decide to break regulations, your officer will just happen to walk by
  • Flash suppressors don't
  • If there is a gang of drunken bikers are in the area they will send a single officer. If there is a single drunken biker they will call in the whole SWAT team

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Murphy's Law 101

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first and possibly only lesson on Murphy's Law, founded by Murphy. For those who don't already know, Murphy's Law is the fundamental principle of pessimism, the cornerstone of our establishments.

Alright, some facts on Murphy himself. Apparently he was an engineer in an American airbase- Edwards Air Force Base, and his name was Capt Edward A. Murphy. While working on a project, he kept telling the others what could go wrong, and had this famous phrase- " If there's anyway he ( the pilot) can do it wrong, he will find it."

And thus in Edwards Air Base 1949, Murphy's Law was born.

So alrighty then, we'll begin on Murphy's Law, which in all terms is summed up quite easily " If anything can go wrong, it will." This is , of course, only a small part of being pessimistic, especially in the modern context. ( Modern pessimism involves politics and philosophy as well, and it's just as complicated as procrastination. Well, I'll explain that tommorrow)
The basis of Murphy's Law itself is doubt. You always worry, knowing that the worst possible thing could happen. A common application is in jealousy, when, say, your boyfriend goes missing for too long, he's definitely having an affair. Or in horror movies- if the person stays alone for too long, they're definitely going to be the next victim.

Oh by the way, one fundamental thing- according to the law, you should NEVER EVER WHINE " How can things get worse??" or anything like that in context. Because if you do, it will.

But the whole " Ok if it can get worse, it will" kind of application is really overused. Here are some other interesting variations of his law:

Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics
All situations get worse with increased pressure.

Murphy's Law of Projects
If the project has a flawless report, your project analyst is wrong.

Murphy's Constant
Damage and value are related by this constant, where
Damage done to Object== Value of Object * Constant

Therefore the more valuable the object, the more damage will be done to it.

  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • Hardware tools will always land on the concrete pavement instead of the lawn.
  • If the tools are still running ( say, for example, a power drill) they will land on objects that can be damaged ( like your foot)
  • Falling objects accelerate to the maximum possible speed that can deal the most damage when hitting your property ( or your neighbour's)
  • After you've lost something and buy something else to replace it, you will immediately find the original.
  • The scuba gear will never leak until you dive into the deepest possible underwater cave.
  • Paper is at its strongest when you need to punch holes in it.
  • If the food is great-tasting, served excellently and politely and cheap, it's poisoned.
  • If your action has a 50% chance of bein wrong, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
  • The universe has unlimited possibility of mistakes.

Well alright, I'm going to end the list for now, but I'll be back.... the list isn't halfway done, no worries. =)