Reflections?

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm a weird blogger. I actually don't like to put my own life here, about how I am or what I am. I'm still insanely shy with my ownself, and basically.. I guess I'd rather tell people what I could be thinking over a coffee or even just msn. It's just me.

Sometimes, though, I might just depress readers over here just for the fun of it.

I wonder what exactly has happened.. why I'm always a little sad somehow. I guess, I regret so many things I have not done in these years. I have put too much time into computer games, into drawing my own things and into wasting lots of time, but not going out with friends, doing anything social, or even learning new things. I do regret, although I try not to say it.. I try not to whine, because I know I made it happen. I did not do anything to remember, to preserve my memories, if at all... I did not try to be anything more than a student, I did not try anything hard enough. Even in games, I played a while, but never tried hard enough to be some kind of super gamer and earn big bucks in competitions, or learn to compete. I have but one word for this : humji. And now it makes my life one big fucking gap, like there's no past, no future, only a present that I can barely alter. I've never known what it's like to chase anyone, to try at all, other than just peep at them once in a while like some shy nerdy stalker.

All I'm really trying now, is basically.. to make up for what I think I lost. To know my friends better, rather than just talk cock a while and spam computer games solo. But sometimes I suppose I try too hard, because I like to talk about personal things, and people can get frustrated when you keep harping on it. Yet that's something I'm always interested to talk about, no matter how depressing.. that's just me, I guess. I think I'm a pretty good listener, but maybe that's just my ego talking...

Or maybe I just think too much. Ciaoz.