Do I really ask too much?

Maybe, just maybe, I forget to get this into my thick skull.

I'm not exactly a great person to be with.. that I understand. I can be boring, tiresome, disgusting, annoying and any degree of an asshole to be with sometimes. Not to mention that no matter how much I try to hide it, but I guess I have a lousy temper with some matters. But I've accepted that.

What I may not have accepted.. is that, everyone is different in temperament, in their emotions and thinking. Maybe why I really have annoyed so many to date, that they will check me off their list of friends.. is I forget I ask a lot from them, as friends go.

No I'm not the kind who wants to spend their money, or keep borrowing from them. I hate having to owe people money, kind of chains you down. I don't want all their attention, or that they even give me anything of their possession at all... I only ask for trust. And honesty... to be able to talk with them honestly, about whatever they may be hiding, about our fears and likes, about our world, about our views, about why we act this way and that.

But then in this time and age, I keep forgetting.. trust is a difficult thing. Especially for the wounded, for the disenchanted, for those who have lost theirs to something. And I guess I can be pretty annoying at times... I need a stop sign, seriously. When it comes to asking or being kaypo I need one. I'm pathetic at reading hints and stuff, mostly because I try to be optimistic in this regard.. almost to the point of being blind. To hope that I'm not already getting someone to hate me. Someone once told me.. trust is very hard to earn, but easily broken.. and thus, it becomes more valuable than money, than much of any person's own possessions... and even more so, for those who are lost without it.

And honesty, too.. it goes with trust.. perhaps I ask too much too soon.

Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Well, if I am, then it will pass. I'm not sure if any one of those I offended read this, but if they are, well.. sorry.

Can't afford to think like this anymore.. exams coming. Why am I not ready yet?