Monday, June 02, 2008
Eveningg infidels
Now what I'm blogging about today is essentially what I've been doing for the time since I did my Mother's Day post.
Basically, nothing. My life has descended into a monotone. Every day I wake up, do random things on the computer, sleep, eat, do computer stuff, sleep, eat, msn, rinse and repeat.
Nothing useful, relevant, or new.
I'll be forced to change that soon when reservist finally arrives in a few more weeks, but for now am in uber slacking mode.. honestly, though, I'm not changing anything until I decide to, and given my lazy nature that's possibly in the next 10 years or so, or when I finally run out of time.
Well.. speaking of which. Here's some random youtube sites I've been watching.
Lame vid- Dr Tran!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FO0kRE5OTZI
WoW series
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2WG-9wocwM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day..
' God created mothers because he could not be everywhere'
I think it's a lovely line, so I've been thinking about my own mother.. and personally I think she had to be a saint, along with my grandmother, for actually keeping me this long. Sure, I was an easy enough baby ( they said I slept most of the time so no trouble) but being lazy and forgetful and often whiny and hot-tempered, I think I made the most trouble during my kid-to-teenage years. And now I'm still lazy, though not hot-tempered, and I've hurt my own mother more times than would be qualified as nice. ( I'm surprised Santa Claus hasn't sent me a bag of poisonous snakes yet. Oh well, I'm still keeping the anti-venom just in case) Yet she still manages to keep a happy face, even though I still disappoint her. She flares up a lot and she still does, getting frustrated because she's a very fussy person, and also because I'm not a very tidy one. I really wonder why she can still stand me, and still makes an effort to be cheerful when I actually do tidy up something, or do something like wash the dishes or hang the clothes.
Hm, well given that little tribute to my mother, I also wonder about something else. Where does the love we had as a child go to? We used to adore everything.. mummy, daddy, butterflies, cats, dogs, ninja turtles and GI Joes and just about everything. Girls ( ok not all of them maybe) think about being nurses, princesses waiting for their prince in shining armour, models, and boys think about being soldiers, doctors, and said princes in shining armour. When we grow old the idea of being a lawyer, politician, bank manager, guy/girl who looks busy in a cubicle, or Director of the Board of Fancy Names for People Who Have Grand Titles But Don't Do Anything sounds a lot more attractive. And we lose appreciation for things around us, for people who do things for us, or who take care of us. Where does all of it go to? Perhaps it goes to our drive to make more money, invest in stocks, rise in position, gather fame and popularity, work toward an ideal we might not really understand, '" For the Greater Good" or for fun, laughter, peace and joy ( which also tends to disappear when we lose our interest in things) . Or it goes to a new child somewhere, who becomes blissfully innocent and naive, but is a lot happier not knowing anything than us mature, intelligent adults will ever be knowing everything around us. Knowledge is power, but it's not always a good thing. When you know there's poverty and that everyone could potentially be a cheat, and that war is a disease and that taxes are rising and that honour and glory are just words people throw around to get other people to kill for them, and that Santa Claus is a story made up by scheming marketing industries everywhere to get you to waste your precious funds which will also be heavily taxed and fined and scrutinised so you don't take home any more than 50% of what you really earn, that pretty looking daisy doesn't seem as important anymore, and neither does dancing around it seem useful, or make any sense. So I'm not really a fan of those ' power learning' techniques where you play Mozart to a pregnant woman to make her child smarter, or make them take special courses meant to boost their learning speed so they can discuss the effect of Bush's policies on the US economy and environment by the time they're 5, and when they hit 12 they get a Master's in political science or business but can't name the ninja turtles, or even know who spongebob is. Or recall a moment where they didn't have a care in the world.
Freak, I've turned even Mother's Day into a political debate. ARGHHHHH KILL ME!!!
Well anyway happy Mother's Day!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Lost.
Or more specifically, someone. It was maybe 2 or 3 years back, or more, that we started talking the way we used to. Her stories about her life in school made my life so much more interesting, and I felt like there was someone who really appreciated me listening to her. We talked about nonsense, about the funny fat lady over at the roadside, about her friends and mine and about everything else, especially about teachers and models and bimbos and whatever there was on this planet that could be talked about. We acted like the two most retarded idiots on the planet and listened to each other and it was fun and life was much more interesting, and I actually had a member in the family I cared about for once, that I knew I would miss once she was gone.
Well, now it seems she might be. She trusted me and thought she was helping me and I destroyed her, broke her heart into two and then shoved it back to her. She was crying and I did not have the humility to say I'm sorry, and I thought it would be easy to forget this ever happened. I was wrong.. now she doesn't talk to me like we used to. I try to joke and be as silly as ever but she only shows as much interest as a person talking to a mental patient.. like for once she sees me like the public does, as an idiot, a good for nothing. Not someone who's funny , or weird but still generally a nice person. No, she now thinks I'm weird in an unacceptable way. A freak, maybe. I think maybe I'm only assuming this, but given the way she acts these few days it might be true.. I might finally be in the list of people she hates for good, a despicable being. And all this for one bloody dollar and the temptation of games and the Internet. Yes, I lied to her. Yes, I denied it vehemently and even questioned her morals when in truth she was only trying to help me. Yes, I was a bastard.. I was too proud to see I was sorry, and now I really am, because I've lost the only person that I know I could talk to face to face without any concern, without anything to be sensitive about, without any qualms or any care in the world and laugh like a madman and go nuts, and act like a serious nutjob and not care.
If this goes on life is going to be a lot harder, and colder, and sad. I miss my little sister already.. I hope she can only forgive me and we can talk like we used to.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
The ends justify the means?
— Alfred Nobel
(1833-1896) Swedish inventor - inventor of dynamite; left most of his fortune to establish Nobel Prizes; awards are granted every year in Stockholm, Sweden
"Dr. Alfred Nobel, who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before, died yesterday."
- French Newspaper with a premature obituary- this was also apparently the line that made Alfred think he might need to find a better legacy to leave behind, and thus the Nobel Prize.
PS: We have nuclear weapons ( aka. nukes) now. One nuke = one city gone in the push of a red button. But the fighting still goes on... maybe we need better nukes. Or a nuke in the hands of every civilian.. hmm.
" Give me back my cookie!" * other kid sticks tongue out* " You're mean!!! I Hate you!!" * little kid presses button and nukes city*
PPS: Is it me or does the word " nuke" sound dirty when you use it a lot? As in it sounds like foul language. Like the f word, or the a word, or the b word, or the c, d, e.... uh, never mind.
His theory might have worked if not for insane people, the utterly stupid, the ability to hide everything from other countries or people, the prescence of entire countries and governments that close both eyes to what happens, and the fact that annihilating the entire country to stop the local army from killing the innocent is about as criminal as being apathetic about it, if not worse. A lot of theories don't work ( eg: Communism) because people aren't perfect, nor are they actually logical most of the time. Example - I have one day left to exams, and I'm blogging. Bravo. I wonder what they'll write on my obituary. " Person who didn't do anything with his life died yesterday. Maybe he's actually more useful fertilising the flowers."
If I survive this year...
Is there ever a balance with doing the things you want to do, and doing things with other people that you want to hang out with, and then doing the things you're supposed to do? That balance is probably what everyone struggles with, but we make mistakes planning our own balance. And I think I've made a major mistake in doing so this year.. suffice to say, it's a little late to realise that. Being a person who, it seems, has ended up proving that he is, in fact, a loser ( in all sense of the word. I actually accept defeat a lot, rather than try to win because it takes more effort to try.. and I think I've lost a lot more because of that) ... I don't know what I really have left now.
Yes this is depressing. I am depressing, possibly a bit depressed for realising it. * sigh* I think I did work hard for a few things this year, but gave them up too easily. And mostly stupidly.
Maybe I should stop caring that this is happening, and accept the ultimate defeat.
You wish. Nope. Going to live on, screw myself up every day of existence, and possibly and hopefully get some moments where I don't hate myself entirely. Meanwhile, time to die for a good 2 weeks more.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Decisions and myself.
Note: Basically a confession and a little bit of a sarcastic post. Read at your own risk.
Decisions are the bane of my life. Honestly, I can't decide on a lot of things. I want to do something and halfway I need to do something else. I always have at any one time about 10 things hanging that I wanted to do but never had the discipline to finish.. kind of like how I always like to slow down before the finish line in runs.. is it because I'm afraid of finishing things? Is there such a phobia? Well right now where it's landed me is in the middle of nowhere.. I'm not good at anything, I don't know anything that I should, am in a course I suddenly don't want to study, and in the middle of doing a lot of things I've yet to finish. And sometimes I've been lazy enough ( in fact, most of the time I have been) to let others make my decisions for me.. big mistake. No one know what I really want, and honestly, right now, neither do I.
Like right now. I should be studying. I should be actually picking up my notes and doing all the assignments and tests and going to the library to read up on things.. instead, I delay everything to the last minute and suddenly decide it's a good excuse to cut myself off from the world and say oh I'm busy. The hell with that, I made myself busy.. and for what? I could have just as easily done studying in my free time instead of WoWing, or random internet games and things, and right now I could be msning without any worry or guilt. Instead I thought maybe I should cut myself from the Internet and hope it works. Yeah right. I still can't sit down and study. I still can't go through my notes and actually be interested in finishing the entire sample paper.. in short, I'm dead. 5 days left.. 5 days. Or 4 now.. or was it 3?
Either way, it's late. I shouldn't be on if I actually plan to study tommorrow, and planning is really half the fun... getting myself to stick to it is the other half. And watching it fail badly while laughing madly is the other half ( making it 150% the fun. What joy.)
If I seriously fail this year, my apologies to my friends who supported me for the exams, and to my parents who have been pushing me hard to study AND paid for my exam fees, and to everyone who's ever been concerned about my results. And also to myself for doing a horrible job of living. ( No I'm not going to die just yet though. What, and you think I was going to spare the rest of the world from suffering my existence? HAH. Not so easy.)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Interesting..
http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/album_02832/
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Newsflash.

Nice hair, huh? That's not all that's weird about him.
Josef Fritzl, a 73-year-old Austrian man has confessed to holding his daughter Elisabeth captive in a dungeon for 24 years. While in captivity Fritzl repeatedly raped his daughter, fathering seven children with her, three of them were also held captive underground. Elisabeth, who is now 42-years-old, was forced into the dungeon when she was only 18, she has lived there for 24 years. Her daughter Kerstin, now 19, and sons Stefan, 18 and Felix, five, lived underground with her in the family's... ( source - http://www.zimbio.com/Josef+Fritzl)
That's his daughter when she was kidnapped by her own father. Pretty, isn't she? Apparently he thought so too. And decided he would keep her for himself, so in the true fashion of sick perverted people, he lured her to his basement ( which had been retrofitted with bathrooms, a bedroom, a kitchen - oh, and of course, handcuffs) , drugged her, and apparently sexually abused her, fathering up to 7 of her children. ( of which 2 died) If any of this turns out to be true.. well. I think we can agree this man deserves more than just an execution. ( being eaten alive by thousands of red ants aka. american indian torture comes to mind)
There's a lot of material on the net on it, but I found this one having a few videos and pictures about the case. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/04/28/world/main4049102.shtml?source=mostpop_story Yahoo! Answers had a discussion about it as well.. they were asking why would he even be doing this? According to reports, he was already known to his children as a controlling father, domineering, but of course friendly to the neighbours. Anyway, if you're interested, here's the forum on the topic. http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080428091543AAZsf55. Among the entries there's a profiling on psychopaths... scary thing is, they're really good at hiding what they do, or what they think, or what they are, sometimes to the extent that they look overly friendly. This is why serial murderers, rapists, and the like can get away with committing horrific numbers of crimes before the police even put out an arrest warrant on them.
Not saying you should go slap every person that smiles at you for no reason, and then run away screaming while he/she doubles over from the kick you gave them in the kidneys so you can escape, but I just found the article interesting. What does this show? Basically I'm interested in reading everything except my notes. -.-
Well back to them.
Saltwater
Saltwater - By Julian Lennon ( Yes John's son, for those who know who John Lennon is)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWWKl1QJed0
We are a rock revolving
Around a golden sun,
We are a billion children rolled into one,
But when I hear about the hole in the sky,
saltwater wells in my eyes
We climb the highest mountains,
We make the desert bloom,
We're so ingenious that we walk on the moon,
But when I hear about the forests have died,
saltwater wells in my eyes
[ Chorus ]
I have lived for love,
But now that's not enough,
For the world I love is dying ( and now I'm crying)
Time is not a friend ( no friend of mine)
As friends we're out of time,
And it's slowly passing by...ayee...ayee...
Right before our eyes
We light the deepest oceans,
send photographs of Mars,
We're so enchanted by how clever we are..
Why should one baby be so hungry she cries?
Saltwater wells in my eyes
[ Chorus ]
We are a rock revolving.. around a golden sun
We are a billion children rolled into one,
What will I think of me, the day that I die?
Saltwater wells in my eyes...
( repeat the last line for a few times)
Psychedelic music, slow and talking about environmentalism. Yep, it's a Lennon alright. For those who don't know, John Lennon is one of the Beatles - in fact possibly the most famous one next to McCartney, or even more. He split from them at one time to write his own songs, mostly about peace, love, earth, all the hippy stuff. So why am I listening to this one? Answer: My old geog teacher played this once in class ( apparently to impress upon us the importance of geography? * shrugs* ) I'm not too fond of the teacher actually, but I like the song, mostly because I'm kind of a sentimental idiot at times. And god knows what on other times.
I was a lot more sentimental before I realise... songs like these used to make me cry. HAH. Yes, I'm a wimp. Maybe was, maybe am. Who knows? Not much things make me cry anymore. I don't know if that's good or bad. Maybe both as well. Maybe my results will make me cry... or not. Only time will tell, eh? Either way, slow sappy song. Listen to at your own risk.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Today
The time when we built up the NDP stand itself was fun. Lots of sweat and work ( although honestly we slacked a lot, mostly complaining about how we were being discriminated by the officers, but I think the other people thought the same thing =P ) but we had this 8 to 5 shift, after which we could return home. Kind of like being bangla workers, but with better pay, and less work . And funnier people.. I ran here and there with this other bunkmate of mine carrying stuff, and some people were showing off... just for the fun of it we'd shout " CHIONG ARRR!!" and grab some planks and stuff and run with it. ( I know that violates workplace safety but we don't really care that much)
I remember during construction the metal beam supporting the stand itself got propped on my boots.. I didn't even tell anyone until about a minute later, and my sergeant scolded me for it. " Eh if the beam on your foot say something lah!! Damn dangerous leh!" But it was pretty fun being a bangla worker otherwise.. we ate at the roadside, kua chio bu walking by ( and people who cmi) and got to sit in the lorry while transporting goods. Sooooo shiok to feel the wind in your face siah! We ate at this bridge, and the Falun Gong people were there too.. along with some weirdos. One guy came along talking to us as if he knew us, but he wasn't in our company, battalion, or any part of the camp. But he helped out anyway...funny.
And then our Platoon Sergeant treat us tau hui zhui =D Those were the times man... nothing to worry about, work, go home, and slackkkk.
Right now that's all I can talk about. Ciaoz~
Friday, April 18, 2008
Fallen
FALLEN by Lauren Wood
[ Chorus ] ( I think)
I can't believe it
You're a dream coming true
I can't believe how I have fallen for you
And I was not lookin , was content to remain
And its ironic to be back in the game
You're the one
Whose led me to the sun
HOw could i know
and I was lost without you
And I wanna tell u You control my brain
And you should know
that you're life in my faith
You're the one
Whose led me to the sun
How could I know
And i was lost without you
[ Repeat Chorus]
And I was not lookin , was content to remain
And its ironic to be back in the game
( cue jazz music in the background - don't kill me if I got the music type wrong)
Another random song I heard before but never bothered to find. It's so much easier to find stuff on the Internet nowadays.
On a side note, I realised that most of the people ( if not all) have been fighting their own battles, and been much stronger than I have. I've been far too lazy to fight what I need to, usually running off like a little coward. Maybe I should try... but I don't know what I really want to do. I still don't, and I might be disappointing everyone that's been supporting me all this while. I'll think about it, as always. I'm always thinking about something these days.
Oh, and to those who have been studying, working, or trying to get over things, JIA YOUU!!!! ALL THE BEST!!!! It will get better!! ( because with any luck I'll be sponging up the bad luck. Oh wait, does that make sense? ) Well it will anyway, if it can't get any worse =D
If that didn't help.... you never saw this entry. You did not read this line that told you that you did not read it, and you did not read the text that you just saw, because it never happened. * flashes MIB light*
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Random Psychobabbling

This is why kids need supervision in playgrounds.






Well yep, that's all I have for this time. Enjoy!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
AND FINALLY MY SWEENEY TODD POST
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmUBwQybFKo ( My Friends)
Another song hahahaha
finished assignment. WoW... sleep. Eat. WoW. Slack until I need to study again... which... will be.... now. -.- I honestly should get a hobby somewhere. Oh well. Here's that song I was listening to for the past week or so.
BURN by Jo Dee Messina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbIgTFyY0Yc
Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier
and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain
and touch the clouds above
Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return
I want you to burn....burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn .....Burn for me.....Burn for meeeeeee
Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God's face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel
Under grace
I'll lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in return
[ Chorus ]
[ Bridge ]
Yeah Ooh I want you to burn baby ....ooh
Laugh for me, Cry for me
Pray for me, Lie for me
Live for me...Die for uss..
[ Chorus ]
Yeah Ah yeah I want you to burn I want you to burn for me baby
Ohh yeah
Annndd there we go. Another song to fill up the space on my blog. It's a song that I've heard for ages but never really known how to sing. Now I do... doesn't mean I can sing it well, but like I care. Muaahhahahahahaahahaa....
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Bizare Love Triangle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ1c9ErCn7w
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
Its no problem of mine
but its a problem I find
Living a life that I cant leave behind
Theres no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool wont set you free
But thats the way that it goes
And its what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I cant say
I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just dont know what to say
Why cant we be ourselves like we were yesterday
Im not sure what this could mean
I dont think youre what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what were meant to be
( Yes, I know the video sucks. So sue me, they wanted a quiet vid)
Quiet little song. It just reminds me of someone.. I remember a few people through some songs. I associate a few things with songs, mostly what I was doing or who I was talking to, or who taught me the song. For example.. that "Mama" song by the Spice Girls? It reminds me of this X-Files book I was reading when I heard it... where this ghost kid was trying to kill his mother.
Anyway. It's pretty much just a quiet little song. Nothing really special, just for the confused in love and all that jazz. And also really simple to sing so I can memorise it =P