Decisions and myself.

Yep, basically talking about these two.

Note: Basically a confession and a little bit of a sarcastic post. Read at your own risk.

Decisions are the bane of my life. Honestly, I can't decide on a lot of things. I want to do something and halfway I need to do something else. I always have at any one time about 10 things hanging that I wanted to do but never had the discipline to finish.. kind of like how I always like to slow down before the finish line in runs.. is it because I'm afraid of finishing things? Is there such a phobia? Well right now where it's landed me is in the middle of nowhere.. I'm not good at anything, I don't know anything that I should, am in a course I suddenly don't want to study, and in the middle of doing a lot of things I've yet to finish. And sometimes I've been lazy enough ( in fact, most of the time I have been) to let others make my decisions for me.. big mistake. No one know what I really want, and honestly, right now, neither do I.

Like right now. I should be studying. I should be actually picking up my notes and doing all the assignments and tests and going to the library to read up on things.. instead, I delay everything to the last minute and suddenly decide it's a good excuse to cut myself off from the world and say oh I'm busy. The hell with that, I made myself busy.. and for what? I could have just as easily done studying in my free time instead of WoWing, or random internet games and things, and right now I could be msning without any worry or guilt. Instead I thought maybe I should cut myself from the Internet and hope it works. Yeah right. I still can't sit down and study. I still can't go through my notes and actually be interested in finishing the entire sample paper.. in short, I'm dead. 5 days left.. 5 days. Or 4 now.. or was it 3?

Either way, it's late. I shouldn't be on if I actually plan to study tommorrow, and planning is really half the fun... getting myself to stick to it is the other half. And watching it fail badly while laughing madly is the other half ( making it 150% the fun. What joy.)

If I seriously fail this year, my apologies to my friends who supported me for the exams, and to my parents who have been pushing me hard to study AND paid for my exam fees, and to everyone who's ever been concerned about my results. And also to myself for doing a horrible job of living. ( No I'm not going to die just yet though. What, and you think I was going to spare the rest of the world from suffering my existence? HAH. Not so easy.)